on finding our true needs in life
connecting Siddhartha, The Dispossessed, and the Tao Te Ching
"At this moment what more need we seek?
As the eternal tranquility of Truth reveals itself to us, this very place is the Land of Lotuses and this very body is the body of the Buddha."
-- Hakuin Zenji's Song of Zazen
return.
december 11th in warwick ma - grey, wet, percolating with possibility. the forest sways, I sit with stillness, sip coffee and share cover letters with my sister at the Killigrew.
the river rushes and rages outside. white froth erupts where water slams into a fallen tree. i watch the current stream around the corner. fluid, relentless, churning, it carries me on rippling waves, taking my mind far away.
time contracts.
a mirror breaks.
later, blue and red lights shatter the dark of night. my heart races. i pull over. a figure approaches, and shines a flashlight in my face.
it’s just a taillight. this makes me laugh, after the panic dies away. funny that they can’t signal that in a nicer way.
i continue to NMH, and step into the pressurized world of academic finals. I help three students. get in my car. find myself at home. realize i’ve overbooked myself for later this week. still haven’t responded to a friend. random notifications trickle in. my head feels tired, tight.
i breathe out and write. music helps me along the way.
i hope you enjoy it too, wherever you are today.
now it’s 11:43pm.
The Dispossessed by Ursula Le Guin and Siddhartha by Hermon Hess are two of the best books I’ve read this year — or ever, for that matter.
both strike deeper strands of truth than almost any book i’ve encountered, resonating at an inexpressible level.
tonight, I reflect on two scenes, and the little moments of my life that have since risen, connecting those stories to mine — and, by your reading of this, to your own, along with the countless stories that touch and are touched by you.
love & partnership — The Dispossessed
there is a scene where Shevek and Takver sit on the rocky face of a mountain, discussing the nature of their lives, and their relationship. one proclaims their need:
“It’s the bond…body and mind and all the years of life. Nothing else…If I take what I don’t need, I’ll never get to what I need.”
what do you truly need?
it’s a question I rarely ask.
what do i truly need in this moment — what do i truly need in life?
how do you find out? and how do you move towards it?
Siddhartha, while talking to the courtesan Kamala, explains:
“Listen, Kamala, when you through a stone into the water, it finds the quickest way to the bottom of the water. It is the same when Siddhartha has an aim, a goal. Siddhartha does nothing: he waits, he thinks, he fasts, but he goes through the affairs of the world like the stone through water, without doing anything, without bestirring himself; he is drawn and lets himself fall. He is drawn by his goal, for he does not allow anything to enter his mind which opposes his goal.” (Hess, 60).
Siddhartha speaks of an experience of extreme mental clarity — but with all the stimulus and stories that constantly compete for our attention, is it any wonder we do not often possess this singular function of relaxed, focused will?
i felt something like it once, at the end of one month sitting zazen at Sogenji monastery. there i learned that buddha resides in all people, as inseparable from sentient beings as water is to ice.
yet how do we return to this quiet, calm, and clear mental state?
harmonizing: silence & noise
it seems to me that a daily and near-constant relationship with Infinity demands a practice of opposites, namely, of sitting with silence and stillness — to be empty.
returning to my practice of zazen has been hugely effective for me. this past weekend, i joined a local Buddhist meditation group. one member read from stepehen mitchell’s translation of the tao te ching, and the words resonated with me:
15
The ancient Masters were profound and subtle.
Their wisdom was unfathomable.
There is no way to describe it;
all we can describe is their appearance.
-
They were careful
as someone crossing an iced-over stream.
Alert as a warrior in enemy territory.
Courteous as a guest.
Fluid as melting ice.
Shapable as a block of wood.
Receptive as a valley.
Clear as a glass of water.
-
Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?
-
The Master doesn’t seek fulfillment.
Not seeking, not expecting,
she is present, and can welcome all things.
refresh.
this process takes time.
our “mud” will be stirred again and again, and we must live with it — yet we can begin to shift our conditions with a practice of mindfulness and by asking ourselves questions.
The Dispossessed made me ask: am i taking that which i don’t need? (what, why?)
what would it look like if i only took what i needed? what is it that i truly need?
and am i holding those highest needs true in my mind?
whether you seek to answer these questions or questions of your own; the best advice may well be what Vasudeva told Siddhartha on the banks of the Ganges River:
“Listen better.”
may you find stillness, center, and peace.
may love infuse you in all that you do.
may you make music with your life, and see your goals come true.